Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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