Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
