one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just want to make out with him forever
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell