The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?