Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Boobs speak an international language.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.