he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.