Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
