How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?