But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
