Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize