i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
