how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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