I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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