She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
