called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
