like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
