Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
