Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
