I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
