i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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