I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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