you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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