no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
