his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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