just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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