Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
