Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize