I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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