ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drunk is not a location!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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