PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
