Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
