you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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