Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
