There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
