Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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