Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.