Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head