That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
