Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..