On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today