I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
