I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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