that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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