I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
