my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
