I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
