I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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