i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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