I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize