You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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