He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I believe in your delicious
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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