Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
