I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Found the puke drawer
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
