ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
