Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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