I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
