I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
