if you like me you must not know who I am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize