In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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