I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
