My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
