it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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