and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
