We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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