i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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