Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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