I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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