This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
