I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
two words...techno handjob
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
