i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
