I cannot find my penis.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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