he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
