Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
