I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
