Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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