I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
