Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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