she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize